So Hudson started “school”/ Mother’s Day Out this week! Since this is our first foray into being apart from each other he will only be attending two days a week for about 4 hours at a time. I had pretty mixed feelings at first. Obviously the sound of free time for myself sounded amazing. But, being a stay at home mom, the thought of paying someone else to watch my child during the day plagued me with guilt. Oh, the mommy guilt. It really is the most annoying feeling in the world.
There have been instances in the past where I have left Hudson in child care that was horrible. Like the time I thought I could bring him to my gym because they had a daycare? I left early and in tears from that experience. So the appealing factor about Hudson’s MDO program is the comfort level they provide me with. Thankfully it is offered by our church so Hudson and I are already familiar with the rooms, teachers, and a few of the children. Their whole mission statement is to make the parents feel like their child is being loved on throughout the day just as if they were at home. And I truly feel like that is what they are providing for him. So we got very lucky. And that helps so much with the pesky mom guilt.
After only attending two days, I’m already noticing a huge difference in myself and the way I relate to Hudson. I had no idea how burned out on parenting I was, until this week. The past 20 months, there has not been a single moment where I wasn’t on call for my child. Yes, staying home with your children may be easier than some 9-5s. But it is the emotional dependency that gets to me. From the time my eyes open until they close I am responsible for entertaining, caring for, educating and loving on another human. That leaves zero time to entertain, care for, educate or love myself.
On his second day when I picked him up, I felt like I was filled with the kind of excitement that I had when I first met him. Getting a chance to be alone and reboot has given me fresh eyes on my parenting technique. Instead of just getting by, I feel like I have the mental energy to actively devote to raising him properly and loving my husband like I’m meant to.
Seriously. It’s amazing what those 8 hours have done for me. lol Praise the Lord for a good Mother’s Day Out program.